I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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