remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Even my vagina gasped.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
