the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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