dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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