mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
