My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
