He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
How does it feel to date your dad?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
