how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
