if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
