Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
