Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
