He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
