wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
