i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
