I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
