i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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