It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
