You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
