Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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