just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
