If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
