Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
