so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I have grass duct taped all over my body
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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