Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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