I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
third nipple confirmed
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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