you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
