I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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