I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
