dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
