I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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