distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
