So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
