I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
