can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
