i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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