Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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