i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
