The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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