Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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