i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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