I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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