I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
