turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
