the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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