Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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