OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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