He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Lo siento on account of my penis...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
