hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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