dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
why is half of my head shaved?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
