Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
