hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
