Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
