I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
