he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
